Disappointment

Every get that feeling of disappointment when you don't get paired up with the person you want? I mean, nothing against who I get to work with, but I wonder who was thinking up the partners.

It's this church group thing where the teens hold kind of a Sunday school for little kids.
I was actually kind of bonding with this one guy. I was looking forward to Sunday so we could have more fun, but then the Pastor, who also happens to be his father (lol), had to send out a new list of shifts.

Yeah, so now my little sister gets to work with him.
I have to work with a girl who my sister can't seem to stop talking to. They became friends in like a day.

So yeah, how does that make sense?
Excuse me God for trying to make a friend.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(there, are you happy Will?)

God knows even angels fall.

When I was literally just wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life:

I SEE THIS:

Leo (7/23-8/22)
Your career is slowly but surely evolving to be a better thing. Just be patient.

I check my horoscope everyday.
Really? Seriously?
When did I become so dependent on horoscopes?

The Other Side Of Who I Seem To Be

Sometimes I really wonder
If there will ever be someone
Who looks past all my imperfections,
My insecurities, my lies
And comes out the other side.

You say you see right through me
But I never even gave you the key.
How can you say something like that and leave?
Apparently, I'm not as good as she.

I GIVE UP

What do I mean to you?
Am I just the one you come to
At the end of the day?
You have no one to talk to,
So you ask me to stay?
What do I have to do to make you see
That like I'm a part of you,
You're a part of me.

.

Here we are again, circles never end. How do I find the perfect fit. There's enough for everyone, but I'm still waiting in line

ALJFLSADGOEMF

HELLO WORLD. I'm actually alive, contrary to what you might believe. So after this month of "blogging every", I realized how consistent of a person I actually am. haha

To my BEDA buddies: I'm really sorry. Because I am not capable of encouraging blogging. AT ALL. Forgive me please. I'm just are really bad "buddy".

What. Haven't I suddenly just transformed into an advice column or something? Because this guy that I barely ever even said hi to for the past 2 years that I have known him comes to me every night for "advice". He asked the girl he likes to prom but she said she already has a date (not to mention, a boyfriend). And she's not talking to him. He's all broken up about it and yeah...

That's all I'm sharing. lol
April is almost over. prom. orientation. graduation. summer. college.

OH MY OH MY

So I seem to have dropped off the face of the earth. I apologize. Having some problems on this end. Between prom issues, the quarter ending, SCHOOL ending, etc, all I want to do is dream it all away. Dreaming about this kind of stuff must be better than the real thing. Not to mention the heat. I seriously thought my skin was going to melt off the past two days. But NOW, it's like 30 degrees lower. I love it! Whoever's reading this: I LOVE YOU. I hate who I am.

APPARENTLY, BASED ON A FACEBOOK QUIZ...

I am:

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying.

You know what's scary? It's all true. I'm not even kidding.

Ello Thar Mah Lovelies :)

First, I now have BEDA buddies! Shout out to ya'll!
I know it may seem like I'm a crazy person. And I am most of the time; I don't even try to deny it.

There's really only around a month of school left. I'll be missing some days for my piano exam, pollworking at the elections, etc. So actually, it's less than a month.

I keep talking about Gradnite, but I never really say who's going to be performing there. So here goes: 1) Hayden Panettiere is the host. 2) Metro Station! 3) Katy Perry! AND ETC. So basically Disneyland opens around dinner time and we go in and ride the rides and stuff. And then the concert and everything starts. And we do whatever until like 6AM. The downside, however, is that we can barely bring ANYTHING into the park, not even like chapstick or water. They want us to buy everything there, and seeing how many west coast schools are going to be involved, I kind of agree. They don't want our stuff to take up space, I get it.

So today, I had to go to the doctor's to get my required immunizations before the university lets me register. I found out that I had already taken all of my shots prior to this visit. Unfortunately, my mother somehow convined my doctor to order me a blood test. Let me mention, I have never taken a blood test in my life. Maybe just a little prick at the finger tip. It was frightening since all I have heard about these kind of things are negative and horrifying. A couple of not very well-diciplined kids watched the lady stick a needle in my arm while I looked at them. It actually didn't hurt at all. I think my fear of needles is gone, especially after the 3 HPV shots which everyone I know says hurts, but didn't at all either. What's wrong with people?

Tomorrow, my piano teacher is coming over to prepare for the piano exam. I'm spending my whole weekend doing my company report on General Mills which I've had about 2 months to complete. You guessed right! I barely started. Not to mention, I have to go shopping for some formal business attire for this presentation. And also the mini boxes of cereal I plan to give to the class. I'M WAY TOO NICE. Maybe I should just buy one box of cereal and give everyone a handful. That's how they did it in the OLD DAYS. hmmm, that's an idea.

I do realize that this blog is abnormally long. That's just how I roll :) Peace.

MESMERIZING. HYPNOTIZING I AM.

My day was okay. I REALLY had to pee by the time I got home, though. Because I had to stay after school for some stupid AP test stuff. I didn't even drink that much liquids today. WHY did I have to pee so badly?! I was really bored earlier and started bothering all of my friends, who were ALL freaking out over homework and tests. I'm excited for Disney Gradnite, except that I don't like some of the people going.

I'm REALLY loving the music in the movie Adventureland! Takes me back to a time when I wasn't born yet :)

Prom is making me very nervous. Tickets are already on sale next week.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be AWESOME.
CAUSE I WANT TOMORROW TO BE AWESOME.
TOMORROW, BE AWESOME, DAMN IT.

Wow

Today was just so...refreshing. I finished all of my homework for once, and everything is turned in and on time. No homework today since I only have 3 classes tomorrow: Economics, AP Environmental Science, and TA (which is almost like an irritating house chore). And then after school I have to stay for some AP test prep thing, which is probably going to last HELLA long.

I just finished watching 90210 and The Biggest Loser between 90210's commercials, some of the news (we have crazy wind over here, around 30mph), and an episode of Law & Order:SVU. Talk about frying the brain :) I like.

Prom's coming up.
Then Freshman orientation for college.
Then Graduation.
THEN I pass out. just kidding. maybe.

Hardcore Procrastination

The final draft of my Hamlet literary analysis essay is yet to be touched after hours and hours. I HAVE done a lot today. I even signed up for Freshman orientation for college next year. I finished my part of the book project. But I just can't bring myself to look at the freakin' essay. I don't want to lie; I haven't even tried to focus on that. I pondered. I laughed. I cried. Just kidding about the laughing and crying. I mean, who laughs and cries while trying to complete an essay? CRAZY PEOPLE, THAT'S WHO. Crazy. Berserk. Insane. Delirious. Psycho. Unhinged. Kinda like me, yeah?

WHY ELLO THAR!!

I honestly promised myself to get up extra early this morning in order to start (and finish) all of the homework I have been dreading since Spring Break started. I got up at 11:30 am. What an accomplishment! NOT. Well, it's not like I have any homework, just a few EXTREMELY important projects which might actually help my grade if I got my full points. Not that I need good grades now...considering all the college madness is finally over. But still, I'm getting like amazinggg GPAs now that nobody's even looking at them. From my subconscious mind, I got the facts that I am A) A rebel, and I don't even know it, and B) I am not as crazy as I would like to be. Yes, Will, if you read this, and you're probably the only one who ever reads my blog: I AM TRYING TO BE MORE INSANE THAN I ALREADY AM. Gosh, don't judge.

Bake bake bake...

So I've pretty much been babysitting my chocolate chip cookies for the last 2 hours. There's something wrong with the oven, I think. Everything turns out raw and burnt at the same time. So now I'm slowing re-baking little by little in the toaster oven :D It's pretty tiring. My pineapple upside down cake turned out really well though. I don't know why I'm baking so much. I feel pissed for no reason. My little sister wanted a cookie and I told her she couldn't have one because she never helped me, but she took one anyway. And I'm like: "You're gonna die now." And she said: "I know", smiled, and walked away. What a little sdfjalskdjflksdfjowimfijoijfd.

I feel like I need to write. Good bye world...

:0

What was I doing last night?!
I seriously thought i blogged.

This is for yesterday then: RAIN IS ALL WE'RE GETTING FOR THE REST OF SPRING BREAK. hallelujahhhhh! I just want to stay home and not do anything. Except eat nerds, lemonheads, cough drops, and drink soymilk. And watch tv. Speaking of tv, I'm out. Peace.

I really have to pee.

This NEVER gets old. <---[click me NAOOOO]

That's all I have to say tonight.

Just remembered to blog...

Wow. It's only day 4 and I suck. Yes, I do suck.
Well, today I woke up late and my throat was extremely irritated, more than I ever thought possible. I mostly just surfed On Demand the entire day. I wanted to go to the Korean supermarket to get some junk food, but my sister and I felt like pieces of shit potatoes (!) so we're probably going on Monday since we have to go to the cemetery tomorrow.

Piano got moved to tomorrow afternoon. Shit, I'm really going to screw up this exam I'm supposed to be preparing for in late May or early June. I hope it's late may because EVERYTHING is happening early June: Graduation, Gradnite, college stuff, birthdays. I've been trying to practice my scales, but obviously I don't. The exam pieces are pretty difficult. I put the songs in my iPod just so I could listen to them all day so I might play them right. I'm happy that this is the 2nd last grade until I'm completely done with ABRSM.

I'm doing pretty good in school, considering the grades I have gotten throughout my high school years. I don't know why I suddenly have so much stuff to blog about. But whatever, I am.

It's 11:10pm and my parents are probably going to shoo me off to bed in seconds. It's the first day of Spring Break '09 and I'm already way too relaxed. I constantly need to remind myself about the company report, literary analysis essay, and book project due the day we come back from break.

I know that nobody reads my blog, so I guess I can post private things here then? Pathetic much?

I'm suprisingly very happy today.

Maybe it's because SPRING BREAK HAS BEGUN.
Maybe because all of this college decision nonsense is finally over.
Maybe because I've started a new cotton ball. (refer to last post)

So basically, I understand why I should stay in the city for college. That's all I'm going to say about that.

I HATE when I do my homework and teachers don't collect it. Like today, I spent all of lunchtime doing my APES homework instead of talking to my friends, and my teacher didn't even collect it.
Speaking of APES, I have this AP test study guide to study for the upcoming exam. Maybe I should start actually looking at it.

SPRING BREAK! What should i do? Company report? yes. Literary analysis essay? yes. Book project? yes yes yes! watch movies. eat Korean food. hang out @ Haight st. more more more!

ANGRY

So angry, in fact, that I feel like I HAVE to make a second post today.

On this episode of The Downfall of Sarah's Dreams

After an argument about where to go for college is still yet to be resolved:
"So dad, I have to register for colleges/universities now or I wouldn't get a spot."
"Oh, SF State, Okay."
"No, I don't know. NOT SF State?"
"WHAT?" Then he walks over from the tv.
"But I don't want to go to SF State." Sarah bangs her forehead on metal desk.
"You know, it doesn't matter what you want or don't want. You have to THINK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE and how you can get a job." Father sighs. " Like you can get a job graduating from THAT college."
"But that college has a good reputation for my major."
"That's not a real major."
"You have to stay in the city. Things need to get done."
"What things?"
Father sighs and walks away to return to the television.

ARG. What pisses me off the most is that he just leaves the conversation and refuses to ever talk about it. I try to bring it up, and he's running out of things to say. Nothing will make me stay. Well, except maybe him.

April 2.

I brought a ziploc bag of Cheerios to school and kept annoying my teacher with the crunching. (mwahaha) At lunch, I hung out with Vince and Wilson since we haven't talked in a while. I finally finished my psychedelic poster during our 90 minute class. It looks better than anything I've ever made before, and I'm not just saying that.

I'm finally getting car insurance today!
1 more day of school until spring break!
I REALLY love the new John Frieda Root Awakening products!

PS: OMG It's so windy here in SF, though this morning was the sunniest I have seen in ages. None of the windows are open, to my knowledge at least, but I just heard a noise. Which sounds unfortunately like glass shattering on the marble floor. Gotta go check it out. It's hurricane weather I tell you!

1st day of BEDA

Blog Every Day April.

I'm angry.

So I've making this giant cotton ball during one of the classes I TA for, and I put it in a VERY secure spot in my teacher's cabinet at the end of the class. Two Freshman girls, who comes to class like twice a year, walked over to the cabinet, screeched at how cute the cotton ball was, and proceeded to smash it around in their fists.
Being the peaceful person I am, I turned away instead of watching my cotton ball die while wiping paint off of the floor from other messy Freshman. My hard work is gone. I spent two weeks of class time making that ball.

Now no more ball.
And all because of two little girls who come to class twice a year. Oh, and did I mention: Those two girls decided to steal the cotton ball after they were done destroying it! If I were not Sarah, I WOULD SO CUT THEM! Oh yeah, and did I mention: THEY STOLE IT AFTERWARDS.

In other news... I was not fooled once today! Success!

I'm currently in the waiting room in Maureen Johnson's show. My favorite thing about MJ: Her Hitler accent!

I have a literary analysis essay on Hamlet due tomorrow. Better git crackin' !

...sigh

Wow, I haven't been here in a while. I don't really know what to say. Everything is too complicated to share with the world. So most college acceptance letters are out. I'm not really think about it for now. Earlier, my parents were out of town for about 7 hours, and I READ the whole time. How sad is that? My stomach kind of hurts. My sister's back at college; done with spring break. I have this huge Economics project due soon, thank goodness for spring break, which is coming next week (FINALLY). There's no school tomorrow, so technically 4 days of school before the break. The most bizarre thing happened a few hours ago. I will never tell you what it is.

A Very Long Rant About My Day

Today was completely dull. I woke up and it was DARK. Stupid daylight savings. I was STILL the first one in class, even though I got to school fifteen minutes after I usually did, since I woke up late. I always feel awkward when I'm alone in class with my English teacher; I never know what to say. I'm talking to V again, which makes me a little happy:)

Homeroom was intense, as usual. My homeroom teacher (the band teacher) always has mood swings. Let's just say he gets a little pissy when people talk during the announcements. I dare not explain what happened when a guy (who I now greatly admire) talked back and called him racist, which is actually kind of true, now that I think about it. Thinking more about my homeroom teacher, I now realize how much of a demon he resembles. Oh, those beady, blackish, squinty eyes, full of hatred and disgust of children talking. Boy, was I glad when those seemingly endless ten minutes were over!

Nothing happened at Economics, as usual. I pretended to study/stare at stock graphs on a library computer while praying for my email to finally "load it's contents". I worked in the attendance office after that. I don't particularly remember what happened during that time...hm.

Lunch was fun. R ditched hip hop practice to hang out since it was her birthday! I wrapped her present hurriedly in the dark with a Twilight poster-which I had ripped off the wall-last night. It actually turned out looking great. I wrote her name all over Edward and my name all over Bella. Everyone at school were like "WOW. um. ok." Yeah, I know we have a little problem. Jeff baked R brownies, but when we saw it, it wasn't even cut yet, so R just ripped some off and ate it. Nice going, Jeff. I win.

Now that I sit in the front and center of AP Environmental Science class, I rarely ever feel my eyes droop. It's exhausting, keeping those eyelids up in those 60 minutes of lecture.

Again, I accomplished absolutely nothing during Computer Art (the class we use Macs in). We're supposed to be re-making WPA posters. I'm doing: Don't Waste Water <---Self explanatory. Some kids were watching South Park on their Macs. I thought my teacher said she would be taking off points for being "off task", but ok. She didn't seem to care, but it could just be favoritism. After that class, I TA the teacher for a freshman art class. It's boring, but M is in it. Somehow, I always get paint on myself even though I don't ever touch the paint. Why?

I have 2 poems written, but I don't like them, so I won't post them.

So it's 1:47pm on a Saturday...

I'm officially bored.
Bored of Blog. Bored of MSN. Bored of piano.
WTF do I do now?
My hair is nasty. I can't go out.
It's so cold I want to stay inside anyways.
I tried doing homework. (Guess how that turned out?)
My parents went out to play pool.
My sister is sick. I can't bother her.
There's nothing on tv.
I don't really want to cook anything.
But I want food.
Besides Slim Jims, of course.

I guess it's just one of those days in which I don't feel like doing anything. And end up eating junk. (BAD!)

Midnight In San Francisco

I hear soft yet drippy droplets

Of rain on the roof I lay.

Another San Francisco night:

Unpredictable yet unsurprising.

Silence, except a faded speeding car

Endows me with a kind of peace

That comes and goes as it pleases.

Is the lamp shaking?

Phew. Thank God.

Shoe On Head

Another viewer enters.
“Shoe on head. NAO”

The trigger finger throbs.

As I wonder:
Why a shoe on a head?
Is it a force of habit?
Does it give them pleasure?
Is it supposed to mean something?
Why the hell does 4chan exist?
How do THEY win?
Does anyone really care?

Then quick as I read, click.
KICKED OUT OF THE ROOM

You, sir.
You.
Yeah, you.
You fail.

More Than That

Why is it so awkward,

When we were only friends.

That’s what we were;

Nothing more.

So why do I feel like this?

I knew exactly how I felt,

I knew exactly how you felt,

But why don’t I know

Anything anymore?

What do I feel now?

Are you trying to avoid me,

Because if you are, great.

At least something makes sense.

It’s all coming together now,

Like pieces of a black and white puzzle.

I see you, sometimes pretend I don’t,

Doing things to make you see me.

How can I not see you, I know you.

Some days you acknowledge, I force a smile.

Some days you don’t, and I scurry off.

Why won’t you look at me?

Why is your head always near the wall,

Hanging so low to the ground?

Even if you’re a whole foot taller than me.

We were only friends, so why all the questions?

Because maybe.

Maybe it was more than that.

August 25, 2008

Back when we were a couple of freshman you were so nice.
We talked all day, and we myspaced all night.

Why do you have to be so cruel?
What did I ever do to you?

Two years ago you stopped talking to me.
Was it something I did that I couldn't see?

We passed each other in the hallway for a long two years.
Not saying one word, me hiding my tears.

I soon learned to forget but not forgive.
Obviously that was not the way I was supposed to live.

Because the first day of senior year just ended.
I saw you outside and still felt crushed & offended.

I went through the day reuniting with old friends.
How come only WE can't make amends?

When fifth period came, I sat bored at my seat.
Suddenly, you walked in, and I shuffled my feet.

We looked at each other for what seemed like a long time,
But it was only maybe less than a second, I had come to find.

You quickly walked to the back of the room.
The class dragged on, I hoped it would end soon.

You purposely interacted like I wasn't there,
Asking dumb questions and whining 'it's not fairrr'.

Everyone laughs as you say something stupid.
I place my fist under my chin and thought nothing of it.

How am I supposed to block out all thoughts of you when I have to see you every day?
When just the simple thought of your presence makes me want to fade away.

Sometime in 2007

The weather is so hot right now,
I think I could just die!

I’m lying in my queen sized bed
And staring at the sky.

I’m trying to memorize
The stuff for my Chem test.

Maybe I’ll just close my eyes,
And get myself some rest!

August 12, 2007. 11:30pm

Hello Sarah, what are you staring at?
A funky blue nightlight? A glow in the dark hat?

All I can hear is snoring and tick-tock.
All I want to do is smash that old clock.

Why did my cousin have to visit from New York?
He is such a tennis-loving Princeton dork!

Now half of my summer was spent in my sister’s room,
It may look like a mess but it feels like a warm cocoon.

Even though it is so cozy up here
I still think that it is not fair.

She snores too loud and there’s makeup on the floor.
She gets angry when I don’t close the door.

I’m sitting here in the dark writing,
The only light I’m getting is from my iPod’s lighting.